What to do if your partner wants a Big Wedding, but You don’t (or Vice Versa)
While it's always hoped that you and your partner will see eye to eye on every life decision that comes your way, the chances of that actually happening are pretty much slim to none (hate to break it to ya).
But when it comes down to your wedding day, the once in a lifetime opportunity to fully celebrate the love you two have for each other, it can feel very frustrating when they don’t want the exact things you do.
So before you start stressing, take a deep breath, relax, and keep reading. I can guarantee if they’re the person you want to marry, you will both find a way to resolve any issues and plan the day of your dreams.
Not sure an elopement is for you? Check out these 5 Best Reasons to Consider Eloping Here
How do we decide to have a big or small wedding, or just elope?
One word: Compromise.
When my future husband and I got engaged, we had been together long enough to already know what each other wanted in a wedding. Personally, I would’ve been happy to elope, and not have a single other person around. I don’t like crowds, I'm shy, and there is very little more important to me than spending time making memories with those I love, particularly this boy.
On the other hand, my fiance had always imagined a large wedding. Big affair, all the relatives, the whole shebang known as a traditional wedding.
Complete opposites, right? So how did we come to a conclusion?
When you are at the beginning of planning a wedding or an elopement, no matter who you are or how long you’ve known each other, I encourage EVERYONE to plan a quiet date night with no one but the two of you, so you can both talk about these three things:
What do you want to remember most about your wedding day?
Was there anything you absolutely wanted to happen (or not happen) during the day?
What do you value most when it comes to planning your day?
By going over these three things, you should be able to get a really good picture of what they want, and what you want. Which parts of the wedding do neither of you care for? Which do you both absolutely want out of your day? Is personal vows very important to both of you? Do you both want to include friends and family in some of the day, but maybe not all of it?
Once you determine what you both want, it’ll be much easier to add and cut certain aspects from your wedding day. Maybe your partner wants to have a party, but they don’t really care if there is other’s at the ceremony. Maybe you want to make sure you have some alone time during the day for your favorite activities, but you’re okay if a small number of people sit in on the ceremony. See where I'm going?
The Best Compromise
The Best Compromise comes down to making sure both parties are entirely happy with the decision, and while it might not be originally what they envision, it's something they can see happening, and them enjoying it.
Some suggestions:
If you’re still not sure how to plan something that makes you both happy, here are some ideas:
Elope just the two of you in an amazing location, doing all the things you both love, then have a second “wedding” with friends and family at a later date. This could be a full affair, or have a reception style event where you share the photos and videos of the day with your guests so it can feel like they were there with you.
Break your wedding day up into chunks, and include certain people in different parts of the day. Maybe allow everyone to help you and be present while you are getting ready, but send you off for an intimate and private ceremony. And then join others for a evening supper after.
Remember, your wedding day can be whatever and however you want it to be. There are no rules! Just do whatever makes you and your partner happy, and do it again if it doesn’t.
“The best day you will ever have is not the one that was planned perfectly, but the one that includes the right people. Don’t make it about the things, but the memories you want to make.”
